Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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