How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
