Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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