remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
