I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
