I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
