Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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