just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
