I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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