You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
