get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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