I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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