I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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