I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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