She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
