The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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