Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
