Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
