If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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