I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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