I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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