My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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