you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
