after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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