i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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