I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You just made me feel so damn special
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I could fuck to npr.
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