How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
