I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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