Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
