Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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