I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also, beer. Big fan.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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