i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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