do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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