What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
