Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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