he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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