Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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