Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
