Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
