She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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