if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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