you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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