Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
