Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
