I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
