Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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