he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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