I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
