dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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