He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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