And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
