he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
