Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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