i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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