Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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