I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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