Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
