so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
