At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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