Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
