i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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