he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
