Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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